That Perfect Place Page 19

  Jill’s phone rang just as they were finishing the meal. It was her mother.

  “Hi, Mom, what’s up?” she asked suspiciously.

  “Honey, I have some bad news. Your aunt Susan has had an accident.” Everyone could see the color drain from Jill’s face. “I’m afraid she didn’t make it.”

  “What? How? When?” she cried, and they could see it was bad news.

  “Drunk driver, apparently. She was on her way home from a cooking demonstration. It happened at that blind intersection at Eustace and Main. Bernie is devastated, as you can imagine. He would especially like to have you come.”

  “Of course, I will. Oh, Mom, this is just awful. Hold on. Everybody is right here.” She put her phone to her chest and spoke to the others.

  “Aunt Susan was killed in a car wreck.” Her voice caught. “Uncle Bernie wants me there,” she said to her sister, and to the rest, “I lived with them while I was in vet school. Susan taught me to cook.” A tear traced its way down her cheek.

  Jake put his arm around her. There were sympathetic murmurs around the table. Tina turned to Jim.

  “I’ll take care of your schedule. Go ahead, Jill. Family comes first,” Jeanine said.

  Jill turned back to her phone, her hands shaking as she asked, “Have arrangements been made?”

  “Dad and I are heading to Bernie’s now. I wish he had called us last night when it happened, even if it was late. Her brother is there and helping with arrangements. Looks like viewing Wednesday and funeral on Thursday.”

  “I’ll be there, Mom. Tell Uncle Bernie I’m so sorry for him and let me know if there’s anything that needs done.” She sobbed a bit as she said the last. Tina tapped her sister’s arm. “Tell her I’m coming too.”

  “Tina says she’s coming too. I’ll call you back when I have a flight booked. Love to you and Dad. Drive careful.”

  “Susan is only fifty-six. She and Bernie are—were—very close,” Tina said as her sister started to cry against Jake’s chest. Tina and Jim went around to comfort her too. Jeanine, always practical, went to fetch a tissue box.

  Jill spent Monday night at her place so she could make calls to friends and family.

  “Go to bed early,” she admonished Jake, who by this time seemed dazed and asleep on his feet.

  He turned in early, but he woke up several times in a cold sweat. He felt like he had been tortured all night when he dragged himself out of bed late, around six thirty.

  The mood was somber on Tuesday. Jill and her sister were taking a six-o’clock flight out and would return Friday. Tina told Jim they would have to postpone their trip to the justice of the peace for another week.

  “I’ll hold you to it, babe. No way am I letting you get away,” Jim said, pulling her to him.

  “I’m not running out on you, Jimbo. You’re stuck with me forever.” She snuggled into his arms.

  “Well, I’m happy to be stuck with you, Justine soon-to-be Cullen.”

  “Eew, I hadn’t thought of that, changing my name.” She paused to think. “Tina Cullen, hmm, sounds OK. All right, I’ll take your name. It makes addressing Christmas cards easier, unless you want to be Jim Maitland?”

  “My name tag already says Cullen. Let’s be conventional on this one.”

  “You are such a chauvinist.”

  “I’m also domineering.”

  “I like it when you dominate me, as long as it’s in bed. Otherwise, you need to check with me first.”

  Jim laughed and squeezed her.

  Jake missed seeing Jill off because he was late finishing up the surgeries at the animal shelter. They had received a glut of animals after the storm, many of whom needed veterinary care. He picked up some subs on the way home but found he had no appetite when he got there. Brad came home and found him just sitting on his bed staring into space.

  “Dad, DAD.” He shook his father. Jake turned and looked at him with no recognition. Brad called his aunt immediately. Jeanine called Maggie on her way to the house. She found her brother with his head in his hands.

  “I just need to be alone.”

  “You need sleep.”

  “Not if it’s like last night.”

  Maggie had been a nurse for the VA before marrying Steve and was familiar with the kinds of mental problems experienced by combat vets, especially with amputees. She took one look at Jake and injected him with a sedative. He managed to get undressed and into bed before the drug took full effect.

  “He’ll be OK in a day or two, Jeanine, but he really needs a few days off. I’ll see how he is in the morning and take him to the VA hospital in Iowa City if I think it’s warranted.”

  She and Steve slept in the guest bedroom just in case.

  Jake didn’t wake up until nine on Wednesday. He had slept for a solid twelve hours. He felt hung-over and couldn’t think what day it was. Maggie was waiting for him when he dragged himself out of his room.

  “Maggie, when is this ever going to stop? Every time I get a little overtired or stressed the nightmares start again and then I can’t sleep.”

  “That’s why Dr. Bowles tells you to keep a prescription handy to help you sleep when it crops up. Jake, you’ve lived through horrors most of us can’t imagine. I’d say it’s more than OK to need help dealing with that. Christ, anybody would. I wasn’t there and I’ve had nightmares about it.”

  “Digging bodies out of the rubble has affected lots of people, even those who have never been in a war zone,” Steve said as he entered the room with a cup of coffee for his friend. “Hell, I’ve seen firemen cry like babies after a bad fire. It isn’t normal not to be affected by tragedy.”

  “You sound like Jim.”

  “He’s a good man. I’d listen to him.” Steve returned with more coffee for him and his wife.

  “How can I ever ask someone to marry me or raise another kid if I keep breaking down like this?”

  Steve looked at his wife with a twinkle in his eye. Now they were hearing the real issue.

  “It’s gone that far, has it? Tell Jill the truth and let her decide if it’s something she is willing to deal with.”

  “Jill is a wonderful, kind person,” Maggie told him forcefully. “I’m sure she’ll understand. Jake, if anyone I know deserves some good things in life, it’s you. Come on, we’re taking you out to lunch. A change in scenery will help. It’s the best cure for brooding that I know.”

  Lunch had been code for a meeting with Dr. Bowles, the VA psychiatrist.

  “Well, it’s been a while, which is either a good sign or you’ve been suffering in silence,” Dr. Bowles said as Jake entered the room.

  “It’s just been the last few days. The flashbacks have been pretty intense, and I can’t sleep.”

  “When they are bothering you, take the prescription I gave you for a few nights. Are you worried about addiction?” Jake shook his head. “You can control the flashbacks under normal circumstances, right?”

  “Yeah, they only crop up when something awful happens.”

  “And that’s been a lot lately, yes?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well then, take a few days off and rest. We’re going to work on positive imaging, and I’m going to give you a sheet with substances to avoid. They might exacerbate the problem.” They talked for a while until the psychiatrist was satisfied that Jake was getting his perspective back.

  “Look,” Dr. Bowles said in parting, “feelings of rage and helplessness are natural for anybody. It’s the smart ones who seek help when they are in a bad place mentally. You have a large group of family and friends who care—don’t hesitate to lean on them a bit when you need it. You’d be surprised how good they feel to know someone trusts them enough to reach out.”

  Steve and Maggie dropped Jake off at his sister’s around five. Nels had come down and they had a family dinner and played cards afterward. Nobody said anything about his problem, except when Jeanine asked him what he wanted to do on Thursday.

  “Can we start an hour late a
nd no farm calls, if you can? I’ll pick those up Friday and Saturday.”

  “Will do, boss.”

  “No, Jeanie. I’m not your boss. You are one of the partners.”

  “That’s right.” Jeanine smiled. “So start holding up your end, lazy bones.”

  Jake smiled. He seemed subdued but pretty much back to his usual self. He and Brad mock wrestled on the short walk to the cabin. He did, however, turn in early with the help of the sleeping pills and slept deeply. Unfortunately, he missed Jill’s call around ten thirty.

  Jill had a very emotional meeting with her uncle. Her years at her aunt and uncle’s house had been special. She and Bernie would miss Susan dearly. Susan had been such a hoot: energetic and enterprising, always ready for fun and adventure.

  Susan had been a master chef, and she and Jill had spent hours concocting mouthwatering dishes in her enormous, well-appointed kitchen. She had always maintained that Jill had missed her true calling by going into veterinary medicine, to which Jill would reply that cooking was too stressful as a full-time occupation but a fun hobby. She felt close to her aunt every time she set foot in a kitchen.

  Lots of her college friends were at the funeral and visitation, as was Trish, who came up Thursday. They had several long discussions about Jill’s divorce and the relationship with Jake, the consensus being that he was a rebound and not to rush into anything.

  “I think the average is about two years before you can make a rational decision about matrimony again,” Trish said. “You have to approach it like a business deal.”

  One of her other friends pulled her aside later when Trish was out of earshot. “Don’t let her dictate to you, Jill. You have always had a tendency to let strong-willed people lead you. I would say don’t rush but follow your heart. It’s your life—only you know what will make you happy.”

  Before she left, her mother told her, “I’d like to see you settled like Tina finally seems to be, but only when you are sure and feel ready. Why you ever stayed with Tom so long is a mystery. You were never yourself when you were there.”

  “It’s a mystery to me too, Mom.”

  “You seem much happier now, but don’t let this new fellow railroad you. Take your time a and make sure you get what you want.”

  Jill got on the plane with her head spinning from all the well-meaning advice. Why is life always so complicated? Jake had been very distant since last Friday when she told him about Tina and Jim. Granted, they had both been very busy because of the tornado, but he hadn’t seen her or called before she left for the airport. When she had called Tuesday night to say they had arrived safely, Brad had answered and been very evasive.

  “Dad isn’t feeling well just now,” he’d said. “I don’t think he can talk to you tonight.”

  And then Jake hadn’t answered her call Wednesday evening at all. Thursday he answered, but she could tell he was distracted and not in the mood to talk. She hung up after just a few minutes. The only conclusion she could make was that he was backing away because he knew she wanted a husband and a baby now that her sister was settled. All her insecurities came screaming back.

  How could I have gotten so far ahead of myself to translate a few weeks of sex into a marriage? For me it’s probably just a rebound, like Trish said, and he was probably just enjoying having a bed partner so accessible. Lord knows there were plenty of women who would be glad to share their bed with him on occasion, so why should he want something more permanent? Cynthia Mattson had obviously been wrong when she claimed that Jake wanted to get married again.

  By the time they landed in Cedar Rapids, she had talked herself into a decision to cool things off. After all, what is so special about me that a man would want to complicate his whole life with a wife and more children, especially since his son would be grown up in a few short years and he could have all kinds of freedom?

  he first thing Jill saw when she entered Havecare Friday afternoon was Jake in a tight embrace with a strange woman, a very nice-looking woman at that.

  “She was Jake’s high-school sweetheart,” Steph informed her—and then immediately wanted to cut her tongue out when she saw Jill’s expression. “Um, she’s thanking him for saving her husband last Saturday.”

  Jake caught sight of her just at that moment. “Jill! I didn’t think you’d be in this afternoon. Are you going to take some appointments? Because if you are I can get some farm calls done.” He still had his arm around Leslie. “Oh, Jill, this is Leslie Brogan. Newton found Hunter, her husband, after the tornado. Leslie, this is Dr. Jillian Maitland, one of my new partners here.”

  “Jill, I am delighted to meet you. Jake, I gotta run. I’ll keep in touch.”

  “Please do.” After she bussed him on the cheek and left, he turned to Jill. “How’d things go at the funeral?” he asked in a forced cheerful tone.

  “It was sad. Uncle Bernie is very cut up about losing his wife, and I cried a lot.” She turned and went into the office and shut the door.

  “What did I do?” he asked Steph.

  She just shrugged and hurried off.

  By the time Jake had finished his calls, Stephanie had filled Jill in on the whole story about Leslie and Jill felt really bad, especially when she was told that Jake had been really sick on Wednesday and not only took the day off but started late on Thursday. She hurried into the large-animal treatment when she heard his truck. He was outside and talking to someone. It sounded like Cynthia. It was. Jill froze when she heard Cynthia Mattson’s next words.

  “I said I didn’t mind losing you, Jake, but I was wrong, dead wrong. I’ll marry you if that’s what you want. I have money. You could quit here and go to the horse shows with me. Don’t answer now, think it over.”

  “I’m flattered Cynthia, but the thought never crossed my mind. There’s no thinking involved. I am not interested. Not now, not ever.”

  “So that’s it. When I turned you down last year, I burned my last bridge. Am I not good enough, or what?”

  “Cynthia, I don’t know what’s come over you. Last year was not a proposal, just an invite to a getaway weekend. You’re overwrought. You know you don’t really want to get married. And we would be very bad for each other. Go home. Sleep it off.”

  Jake entered through the small door and saw Jill. “Did you hear that? Can you believe her?” he asked. “This has been such an impossible week. Maybe you had better go home tonight. I intend to lock myself in my room and watch a very violent movie. I’ll finish here later.” He kissed her on the forehead and headed straight for the house without restocking his truck or downloading his notes.

  Jill just stood there stunned for a few minutes. This was a Jake Gundersen she didn’t recognize. She finished her own chores and headed for her house, extremely puzzled.

  Jake locked himself in his room and sat with his head in his hands. Seeing Leslie had brought back last Saturday’s nightmare. He ran through the exercises Dr. Bowles had given him until he felt more normal. He resisted the urge to drown his troubles in the bottle of Scotch sitting invitingly on his dresser and mentally cataloged all the things he needed to tell Jill.

  His cell rang. It was Callie. Jake answered immediately.

  “Jakey, hi! Guess what? We went to the zoo. They have camels here too but not as nice as Clark. I’m going to get shots to make me grow big, and I got my own guitar! Daddy has a girlfriend, and she’s OK but my nanny is really fun. How’s the doggies?”

  “They’re good, Callie Kitten. I’ve missed you.” He realized just how much as he said it.

  “Is Mr. Bean sad I went away? I was his special friend, you know.”

  “He misses you very much. Maybe you could send me some pictures and I’ll show them to him.”

  “Do cats look at pictures?”

  “Probably not, but you could send me some anyway.”

  “Oh, sure, sure. People takes lots of pictures of me because of Daddy playing guitar. The guys in his group like me except for one, I can tell. It’s suppertime, so I have
to go. Tell Bradley my daddy runs every day, and he is fast. Brad said he wasn’t. Bye.”

  Jake stared at the phone, wondering what had just been said, then realized someone else was on the line. “Hello?”

  “Collin, here. Sorry about Callie’s phone manners. She seems hyper today.”

  “No problem. I’m kinda used to it. At least she seems happy.”

  “And healthy, thanks to you. Her doctors were impressed by the care she received in Iowa.”

  “We’re not primitive here.”

  They talked about Callie’s health for a few minutes before hanging up. Her excited baby chatter was just what he needed to feel whole again. It gave him the resolve to talk things out with Jill. Tomorrow. Butterflies began fluttering in his stomach as he texted her.

  Jill got the text around nine:

  Sorry if I was weird earlier. I’m still feeling the after-effects from the past week. We had a dinner date last Saturday. I’d like to reschedule for tomorrow at seven, if that’s good with you. I have some things I need to discuss. Jake.

  She reluctantly sent back an OK.

  Saturday morning they didn’t say much to each other. Jake, in fact, was acting rather nervous around her as he loaded his truck to catch up on some farm calls. Jill was glad she had decided to back off and slow down. He was probably regretting their getting so intimate so soon. She’d just pass it off as two consenting adults blowing off steam. Her heart sank at the prospect of no more romps with him. Who would have thought that this underweight, over tall man could be so much sexier than the gorgeous, suave Tom Carver?

  Come on, Jill, where’s your self-discipline? Get a grip. She jumped into her appointments with vigor, glad that Saturdays were always busy.

  Jill was already gone when he returned home at three. He had made a stop in Independence to pick up a bouquet of flowers and a pair of earrings. An engagement ring would have been more to his liking, but he had to tell her about his debts and the other crap before he could in good conscience discuss the future. He had a talk with Brad to get his feelings on them becoming a family. His son thought it was marvelous.